an opportunity of a lifetime

to be presented with an opportunity of a lifetime...one should be happy right? But what if you are in a place that you feel you should be at in this season of your life? Should you pass the other opportunity up? or will there be others? What if you miss it and that is what you were supposed to do? and if you miss it, and God gives you another, will it be just as good or better, or was the first one the best?

I find myself so torn. I have been presented the opportunity to pastor a youth ministry in Seattle, which I turned down. Then my pastor from home presented me with the chance to start up a youth ministry at a church plant in Monroe, which I turned down also. And I find myself questioning everything I used to be so sure of. I am at a church where I was not happy; but finally for the first time, I have started a group, with students who want to learn to share their faith, who want to reach out to their communities, and reach beyond what they know and do what they were meant for. And for the first time, I am starting to feel like I am doing what I was meant to do. But in the back of my mind I start to think, what if I am missing out on an opportunity of a lifetime? What if...

I told myself that I never want to be like my parents; I never want to wake up 10 or 20 years from now, wondering what my life would have been if I had taken that chance. I don't want to regret never truly living and taking risks.

I wish I had clarity. I wish God would make it so obvious where I need to be. Until then, I wait, silently, listening for His voice to speak to me.