chasing the unattainable

i am forever desiring to be in a place i am not. I try so hard to be content where i am but yet i always fail. i always want the man i cannot have. i always want what i cannot have. Lately I have been thinking so much about love. I try not to talk about it because at Northwest, that's the cliche thing for a girl. But for me, I've always been the biggest hopeless romantic there is. The greatest desire i have in life is to love; be it God, or my future husband, my future kids, my family, my friends, those who have no hope for life. I was built to love and to be loved. I think that's why it is the greatest command. So why is it so hard for that to happen? Why do i always like those who never like me? I try not to analyze things too much but being a girl, that is hard. I tend to think something is wrong with me, and maybe, just maybe if i did this or that, then they would like me; if i dressed nicer, or did my hair, or wore more makeup, actually looked more presentable, then that would get their attention. SO STUPID! I am who i am. I know who i am. But when your entire life, you are constantly compared to everyone else around you who love actually comes their way, it is hard not to think something is wrong with you. People say when you least expect it, it will come. But my reply is, what if you are never not expecting it? What if that is your biggest dream in life, to be loved? I try but i cannot stop thinking about it. More than the love of a guy too, but that passion, that emotion that comes from loving and being love. That intensity, vigor. I want to know that, to feel that. Sigh, when that day comes, beware, because I will love like I have never loved before. :) It is so exciting to me. The expectation. Incredible.