disappointments....

so first off, i feel utterly selfish in thinking this...but i can't help it. This friday is my 21st birthday; a birthday that is supposed to mark all others; one that commemorates the start of an entirely new chapter of life; one that you get to share with your family and friends. Well for me, I won't get to see my mom or brother, and so she said she'd send my present along with my contacts that had arrived. So i pick up the bag from my grandma's to find my contacts, a jump rope, and a 25 dollar giftcard. Now my contacts, i didn't think were part of my present....HELLO i can't see without them!! i would have bought them but the place is at home. Then secondly, who buys someone a freakin jump rope for their 21st birthday?! i don't freakin remember the last time i used one! Give me a break! And then a giftcard, while i appreciate the thought, i can barely buy a stinkin shirt at the store with $25! I thought, well maybe since this is my 21st she'd do something special....guess not. I thought, i'm gonna get something super cool, something i've always wanted....but nope, nothing like that.
I feel bad that i'm so sad because it should be the thought that counts....but it makes me cry! There are so many things that i really wanted and i had expected....
guess this isn't going to be the birthday i had hoped for...
it won't be the special moment i had dreamed for...
it'll just be another year wasted
another tear shed
another disappointment to add to the list of many.