mumbles of an insomniac

i can't sleep. haven't been able to lately. don't know why. it's probably why i can't seem to get over my sickness the past couple weeks. my body yearns for sleep like it yearns for life.

i have like 6.5 weeks left till graduation. i have never been so scared in my entire life. i can't hide behind school anymore. i'm an adult. life is happening whether i like it or not. i have no clue what's going to happen. i have no where to live and no money and even better, no job prospectives.

everyone i know already has summer plans of which i'm not included. i never thought i'd be graduating and so alone already. my life is chaos. i have so much homework piling up it's ridiculous. must graduate.

my eyes are burning right now, i'm so tired. i have a test tomorrow. definitely not prepared. guessing i'll be sick tomorrow morning from lack of sleep...or should i say this morning in about 5 hours. ugh. depressing, this lack of sleep.

i turned the radio on...maybe that will put me to sleep. i have a really long day tomorrow. and then i'm flying to california friday morning. people are annoying right now. maybe that's cuz i'm tired but i'm not thinking so. i need money....bad. i have so much to pay for right now and not enough money. i need a new car. mine is a piece of @#(*$. yep. that describes it.

i don't want to graduate. can i stay in school forever? i really want to go to grad school so that i can get my teaching certification....but nevertheless....no money for that. instead i'll get a lame job...not doing what i really want to...and paying on my million dollars of student loans until i'm old and decrepid.

that sounded hopeless. i'm ranting.

oh and everyone always comes to me ranting about their lives...their boy issues...blah blah blah.
i'm happy to help them but HELLO i have my own chaotic life to deal with and no one is trying to help me, or listen to my problems. no one seems to care about what is happening in my life.

i'm just as sick and tired of boys or lack there of. pretty sure i never thought i'd be graduating college and have never been in a relationship of any sort...not even a date.

i'm glad to an extent cuz i have standards but at the same time...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? what is it about me that guys aren't drawn to??? please inform me because it drives me nuts.

it's like having your biggest dream sitting right and front of you and someone telling you that all you can do is look and it but never touch it...never have it.

torture!

oh change...i love and hate it.

right now...i am moreso hating it.

this is me screaming in frustration. SKDFOSJOKFJSLDKFJLSDJFLSDKJFL

i need to go to sleep now. if possible.